Palyne

A reader-friend pointed out that I hadn’t posted on Red Cairo for so long people were going to think I’d keeled over. I have six blogs for different topics and I can’t keep up with one let alone six, so… that’s the way it goes. But I feel sadly remiss at not posting because this one, Red Cairo, is my most personal blog, where I talk about my dreams and weird experiences and psychic sessions and so on. You know, all the stuff that would make readers elsewhere run screaming into the night.

I’ve often felt I survived well in the world mostly because my weirdness was well hidden. I “pass”, as people with issues such as deafness and autism call it; when you function well enough “like other people” that conveniently, they mistakenly assume you are one of them. Read the rest of this entry »

First of the time series of archmeds.

Archtype: “Not getting enough done because I don’t have enough time.” Modified somewhat by whatever Inner Guide thinks is best, a standing permission.

He appears as a human and there is something ‘off kilter’ but I can’t see it. I ask him to take a form that makes any energies I need to ‘interact with and resolve’ more obvious. He vanishes and then reappears as the same guy except all mixed up. His foot is on top of his head. His leg is hanging over that. One of his arms is stuck through his torso. You get the idea. “Rather like the chaos of legion,” I say to him, and I take him apart in pieces and put him back together. Then I put my hands on his shoulders and imagine doing this for every cell in his body, too.

He seems better. I pull energy into a ball and create an oval shaped mesh-like map. I don’t understand it but I know it will work. “This is a map,” I tell him, “Of you. Kind of like a DNA map. I’m putting it here in your chest and you should never again be THAT mixed up. This will help you reorganize.” He takes it and I ask him, “Do you have anything you could share with me so we can integrate?”

He hands me something that looks like a big pocketwatch. But before I can touch it, it morphs into a long sort of calendar-grid. But before I can touch that, each of the squares turn into colors and bleed into each other and it becomes a soft knit scarf where each stitch is a slightly different hue, like the sort of yarn that is many colors. I put it around my shoulders as I say, “Like a stitch in time. Funny.”

He appears beside me and points a bit in front of us where a building appears in the distance. “That is a map of time,” he says.

“How can this be?” I say. “It is in 3-D space. Not time.”

“There is no such thing as your 3-D space without time,” he says.

“Oh. Well but… how is it a map of time?” I insist.

“As a concept, I suppose you could think of space as horizontal and time as vertical,” he replies. “Anything that is physical in your world is woven with time, just like the scarf. There is nothing that is not as much woven by time as by the seemingly spacial materials you call solid.”

I think about this for a bit.

“Your issues with time will show up in space, and vice-versa,” he finally adds, as if giving a hint to a somewhat slow mind.

“Oh…” I say, thinking maybe I’m getting it now. “So like, my recent issue where my house was stuffed with my ex’s stuff, and I had no space at all, and I still don’t have space for my little desk for dowsing, and stuff like that… you’re saying my not having time and not having space are sort of… reflections of the same core… issues?”

He nods.

“Would making space, in a feng shui kind of way, have any effect on my time?” I ask, thinking this sounds like the stupidest logic I ever heard and wondering where I got the idea.

“Actually yes it would. Moreso the more you recognize why you’re doing it.”

I turn and look at him.

“Somehow I feel like you’ve told me more than I’m able to grok right now,” I say. “I mean I hear you, but especially about every physical thing as a map of time, that feels like it’s important, but aside from an intellectual way I just feel like I’m not getting it.”

He weaves out of the air something of odd shape I can’t make out clearly, and he puts it through my chest sideways and then front to back and then pulls a strand up through my head. I have a sense of like a sailor’s compass, as if somehow the patterns of the stars above are as important as where the arrows point to down here, or at least related. “This is yours,” he says. “It’s always there, but now you are more aware of it.”

I nod in thanks, and wonder what the point is.

“Time is woven through you,” he says. “You have as much ability to manipulate time as you do to manipulate space. The more you realize this, the better you will be at it. You’ve been considering yourself a victim of time, as if it is apart from you. It IS you. You weave it out of yourself, just like you do the rest of your reality. Limits with time are limits with Self. Do you understand?”

“Best as I can, I bet,” I say with a half-smile. “Thank you for working with me. I hope we meet again and can merge.” He nods, and vanishes.

They say that Consciousness Is An Organizing Principle. Well I say that, or did in Bewilderness. Of course, Dr. Dean Radin said it in his book ‘The Conscious Universe’ too, but I suspect it means more coming from a scientist with data on it than someone talking about their weird experiences. Either way, the point is worth making: intent seems to ‘organize’ anything it’s applied to.

Nearly 20 years ago, when I had 20 years less of stress and sleep deprivation and was much closer to human than whatever I am now, I chanced on the formal workings of archetype meditations. I first encountered this as ’self-willed shamanic journeys’, then ‘jungian archetype work’ and then thanks to Edwin Steinbrecher’s excellent work ‘The Inner Guide Meditation’, as simply ‘archetype meditations’ or ‘archmeds’ as I call them. There are other formats for similar work — not identical but with much in common — called Conscious Dreaming, Active Imagination, and things like that.

This should not be confused with visualization. It involves visualization as a tool — much moreso when you are beginning and establishing it — but that is not its scope. Once one learns how to do this, it is no more “deliberately imagined” than remote viewing is. (Which is to say it could be subconsciously but is not done so consciously at least.)

Doing these meditations well is a skill, no different than karate or remote viewing. There is a certain state of active-allowing, combined with a state of not-creating, combined with a state of alertness so one is interacting from the first person. Somewhat like RV it comprises a sort of “border territory” of brain-mind that has a percentage in two (or more) quite different areas, held simultaneously and interactively.

The more altered the state of mind, the more autonomous these tend to be. The better practiced or skilled the individual, the more autonomous these tend to be. The more often they are done with certain consistent framework elements (such as the ‘inner space’ one uses), the more autonomous these tend to be. Combine those three factors and you get a fully autonomous inner landscape and infinite cast of characters that can shock the heck outta you, surprise the snot out of you, terrify you, enlighten you, fascinate you, and in general make radical changes inside you… that can also reflect ‘outside’ you in major reality-changing ways. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m just a griping fool today.

Sometimes the degree of my obligations compared to my time, energy, or ability to meet them, is so ludicrous it’s like some kind of cosmic joke. The song of my life is a real Amy Lee number: not just words and lyrics for me, no sir. More like an angst-ridden rock opera Dolby soundtrack for the life of a drama queen.

I just want to view. My work is more than full time. My kid takes a vast percentage of my available time; even just a long shower is a big treat for me. That’s more than I get most days. And what time is left per week, well, attempting to do something constructive (like improveing TKR’s free viewer tools) more than sucks it down and needs more. Never mind other family, or a life of any kind, let alone ‘time for me’.

But the real bitch is that all I want to do is view.

Everything in my life feels like one more obstacle in the way of me having sufficient time to view. Cyclically I get up the determination to tell the world to stuff it and focus on me, but it always passes far too soon, and I’m enmeshed and embroiled in other stuff. Mostly the fulltime work, single mom theme. When not that, then the do- something- constructive- for- RV- online- theme. I wonder when my Theme Song Guy is going to write one that is actually for me.

Meanwhile, I improved three things in TKR last week, which (here’s a shocker, not) means I half-broke one of them, and completely screwed up something unrelated by accident while I was at it. There’s a reason programmers work in teams with alpha testing, beta testing, etc. — as opposed to one sleep deprived person coding fast as they can on a weekend or at 3am and then putting it online right after since well, the locals have to be the guinea pig beta testers, there isn’t anybody else for the job.

Right now I am so sleepy I can’t sleep. I swear. I’m literally over-tired. My eyes are sore and squinty and I think I see more hairs turning grey by the day. I want to curl up but I promised the kid some mommy time tonight, so we’ll be watching some kind of amazon unbox. We watched the Veronica Mars third season recently. I guess today we might watch some of the sci-fi. I should be working on fixing TKR but I’m so exhausted I don’t think my brain is up to it anyway.

Oh yeah, if I could quite whining for a minute, I could mention that Joe McMoneagle and Joseph Chilton Pearce will be speaking on March 23rd at a conference dinner held by the Rhine Research Center in South Carolina. See his blog.

Meanwhile I am seriously deprived of best-friend time as well which is a bummer, since a lot of my sanity is based on good people who help balance me, since I apparently have none of the quantity of my own. And I owe so many people a variety of things like websites, book reviews, things I need to mail, I’m starting to feel like I should really review my budget, figure out where I can scrimp insanely, and try to come up with enough money to do a few hours a couple times a week of some local college girl helper. When I moved here 7 years ago, for the first couple years I had a 15-30 hr/wk personal assistant. There is probably something inherently snotty about me that I think I feel perfectly justified in having servants.

Since I don’t have time to write more than one out of like 50 people I owe email to I decided to just write one thing on my blog. I figure my friends will read it and thank god I am not talking to them. Mission accomplished.

As soon as I get some SLEEP, assuming a decent portion of that happens soon, I’ll be viewing again. Though lately I seem much more of an expert on how not to get around to it. Zzzzzzzzzz.

I have a relationship with time. Not a good one.

I long ago came to the conclusion that time is space is money is love. I mean in a rather metaphysical, create your own reality way.

They are a measured-quantity. They are critical to how we perceive ourselves, our world, and how well we get along in it. And the four of them are almost never found in abundance at the same point-of-now. It’s almost like they are the four cardinal directions of self-allowance, in a Sethian sense.

I’ve had every one of them individually. Often two. Rarely, three. Never all four for more than ten minutes.

I once theorized that any problem in a person’s life was an internal geometry that was interacting with another given area of the person’s experience, but that the internal part could manifest in any/every situation for that person.

To compare it to psychology, as that might make it clearer, you could say that a person who has a problem with authority (as an example) is going to manifest that in many ways. In career, in parenting, in relationships, in finance, and they will possibly also manifest others who have the same issue around them too.

So when the person comments on an ‘issue’ with their wife, you may understand that the dynamic driving that, is probably also causing them ‘issues’ in their job, with their taxes, with their social groups, etc. etc.

By this same kind of thinking, I concluded that whatever underlies a person having a serious lack of one of them, was probably about the same as whatever was under some other person having a lack of another of them. In short, that it’s like a belief system nutritional deficiency, and the person just chooses what area(s) they are going to suffer the shortage most in.

One of the things I find most interesting, in an armchair psych way, is that each person has a variety of settings for things in their life. Some people have money, but no time. Some have time but no money. Some are crowded in their environments and can’t seem to get enough space. Some have space but no money, or space and money but no time. And some have much love in their life but none of the others, or all of the others but no sense of real love.

In some esoteric experiences, I have observed that all of these are subjective. Including space. You may think that six feet never changes, but I can tell you that six feet can be a reach away or a room away and still fit the ruler. Yes, this makes no logical sense to the rational mind, but just like time, space is subjectively experienced, and I’ve just had the interesting opportunity to see that.

So if time, space, money and love are all subjective, and if our reality of “plenty” or “lack” in them is all rooted in us, why is it such a pain in the butt getting it all straight and abundant? If I can work out an abundance at each one of these things at varying here/now-points, why can’t I work out proper quantities for them the rest of the time?

Even as a teen, I felt that time was inexorable. That it kept marching on and I could never, ever get ahead of it. That it was merciless, relentless, the impersonal conveyor belt of life, that you could never step off and that was destined to dump your butt off at the end.

I was spending a few hours a night doing webcoding, doing correspondence. So I dropped out of it for the most part. Aside from an occasional blogpost and my best friend, I’ve ditched it all. I refuse to read anything from email lists, forums, etc. even if I think I have a little time when I see it.

And I still don’t have enough damn time.

Some part of my belief system is obviously involved. I have enough money for what I want most, but not nearly enough for what I need (serious obligations). I have space enough for what I need (my own house, my own room) but not nearly enough for what I want (the environ is so tightly cluttered I feel space-deprived). I have enough love for what I need most; I don’t get close to many but those I do have, share something on a soul level. Not to mention a loving little girl. But I don’t have enough for what I want; all my best friends, in all forms of relationship, live very far away.

I feel as if my belief system has certain major limits it’s imposing on my reality. The most serious one is time.

They say that people who schedule time have more of it. This is hard for me to understand, since when I budget money I always have less of it. (This is my belief, anyway, as when I pay attention I panic and am short in 12 places, but the less I pay attention and accept that things are alright, the more they tend to be.)

I recently started tracking my time and what I do with it. There is work and sleep of course — never enough sleep. And then there are half a dozen things I want to do every day — meditate, view, exercise, time with kid, a couple other things. And then there is ‘everything else’, to include everything that is social, internet, reading, watching, from leisure to obligations to personal research. I find that of my available time, everything is falling into ‘everything else’.

Just like with money, it’s the same fractal in a different color: I have time, I spend time, I spend time on things I want to do, yet I don’t have time for the things I NEED to do, like sleeping, viewing, etc. I am tempted to think that if I inquired deeply enough into my issues of space and love I would find the same pattern, replicated, manifesting within the context of the subject.

My friend says there’s an eclipse coming up and nothing new should be initiated from the 22nd-24th as a result as such things seldom turn out like planned. I have no personal hard data on this but astrology’s a decent tool in the right (very rare) hands so I’ll take that at face value. Tomorrow I have to start a schedule or an exercise plan, or wait till next week for the grand beginning. Both tie into my FAVorite issue, of course: time.

I would meditate on this problem, but I can’t find the time.