Palyne

Archived from the former firedocs blog. 25 February 2006

In case I’m an idiot, my aspects have taken to spelling or speaking themselves clearly and then waking me up instantly so I don’t forget. This is convenient, since sometimes… I am an idiot.

Last night was interesting. Dor apparently has accepted the pendant as an anchor, as he showed up and participated in my thoughts off and on for a bit. There is a certain state of mind and skill-process that I can see I need to work on developing. By that I mean it isn’t just HIS job to share insight, it’s also my job to learn to allow it, too.

I was dreaming about something I’m very worried about in life. Unfortunately I can’t remember what it was. Anyway, an identity that is both an archetype and part of me said to me very clearly, Everything is going to be ok. And then to make sure I was clear on who/what part of me was telling me this, he spelled out his name in light and underlined it slowly and strongly in my attention so I could not miss it. He signed it: Oliphant. At the time I perceived this, it seemed very clear that this was both a name and a role, both part of me and part of the universe. It also felt like something very archetypal and I related it to a sense of ‘occult’, in terms of, identities I have read about or encountered with reference to occult studies. And I woke up THAT INSTANT he was finished with underlining the last letter, so that I would remember his message and who gave it to me.

Now if only I could remember what the message related to, I am sure that would help, ha. I did a web search but unfortunately, so many PEOPLE have that as a last name (including at least one occult writer) that I was unable to come up with any reference to possible documented identity. It doesn’t really matter (it is real to me), I was just curious about where I might have seen/heard the term before.

I sank back into sleep for about an hour, and then came to the surface again. The rest of this is my notes from my journal that I wrote off and on from 3 to 5 am.

Oliphant, I thought. Somewhere, I have heard that term. Occult, I think. I thought of Tarot. There is the Heirophant in Tarot, I mused. But this is Oliphant, it was like both a name and a role inside me. And suddenly I thought: Tarot reflects the universe, reality. We reflect these (also). The cards of Tarot can be thought of as roles that we are divided up into inside ourselves — we are a chess set, we are Tarot — we are astrology’s signs as well — it is like just ways of grouping our universe-of-self (”I am divided for Love’s sake, for the chance of union”) — my four elementals of soul is one way; I once grokked how when merged, we four were the Tree of Life in 3-D, the universe as I know it, the 10 Sephiroth — So “Oliphant” is a real name + title + ‘role’ inside me.

But my Aspect RV, this can be done with Tarot or Astrological symbols as well. This must be why Steinbrecher was so open to both in his archetype work.

I feel Dor! This is Dor. He is facilitating each of these insights.

Iapetus. That is a moon. It occurs to me that the heavens are their own Tarot; their own chess set. There is a reason they play so strongly in early man’s lore. So … Iapetus, which is a mystery of sorts (it has a profoundly artificial looking ’seam’ around it) — if this is my culture’s name for a heavenly body, this is also a valid ‘Aspect’ inside me.

I see. More Dor insight.

This is why Shakespeare’s work is so eternal. The roles of his characters — Othello, and others — are well defined archetypes. Because he unconsciously matched a quality range of aspect-elements to flesh these out, subconsciously we recognize them.

Humor: Dor thinks “The Astrology Diet” might sell. Reminds me of Lu’s idea of “Cats Gone Wild” and making that as a calendar.

The patterns of the universe show its meaning. Patterns in this case are apparent size, space, relationships, orbits and cycles. // Every molecule is like a mini-universe. (”This one has a sun, one planet and three moons.”) // That temperature gage that Gallileo invented — spheres of liquid floating in liquid, which by their float level and relationship show the temperature. It’s an abstract (not close) analogy of this concept. // DNA, I have correlated before with my four elementals of soul. Remember how the circle squared the ‘four primary’ energy/colors were the ‘technology’ that ‘beamed me’ into bilocation? DNA is a form of technology when perceived within that framework. It is a fully functioning machine. Our species is simply not using it except at very rudimentary levels.

When I say Ry is “my universe” it has analogy space to be literal. We have our own cycles and relationship. We have a certain orbit (which) those cycles, if we tracked them, would make clear — when we are closer or farther away from each other, when one seems to block the sun from another, when the proximity of a certain cyclical pattern point causes turbulence in one or both. [While typing this out it occurs to me this is why astrology works. We are not calculating behavior from orbits. We are calculating orbits from orbits.]

Planet X in history is like a lover that shakes up earth and then moves out of her life. This is a powerful archetype for humans to work with, moreso as it gets closer.

The inorganics love TV. They encourage us toward it. You know how in the movie The Matrix, humans were energy batteries, as long as their minds were occupied? Well, we are psychic-emotional batteries with TV! We are motionless, mostly expressionless, with all that energy generated inside us — with nowhere to go. We easily succumb, then, to the lure of inorganics via daydreams or dreams, where we expend that energy just like a person spends money at a store. It becomes a feeding cycle if allowed.

(Thanks Dor.)

Archived from the former firedocs blog.22 February 2006

Dor was the first Tulpa I ever met. A thoughtform placed in me by some entities I won’t bore and scare people by describing, it (which I think of as ‘he’ because I personalize everything) was doing a fabulous job as a psychic/psyche/body ‘block’ on a certain group of memories.

It took me four days of meditation, of constantly bringing myself back to it, of never looking directly at it, of unbelievable focus, will and work, to finally deal with him directly; his biggest talent was misdirection. When I finally could address him, I pointed out that no matter that I knew another identity had created and placed him there, still, now he lived in me, he was part of me. I offered him a deal. If he would instead morph into a “door” at my intent, he could not only maintain his fabulous block-ness, and I made sure he knew I admired his quality there, but he could also “evolve” in the opposite regard as well, and become far more than he was. I told him he was ignored and going nowhere currently; but I could bring him into my ’sacred space’, my visualized meditational world that gets my energy and attention at times, and he could be more.

I believe that “all things long for evolvement.” He was already using my own energy to live as a small part of me. I’m management at heart. Why not have him working for me instead of for someone else? And he agreed. And as the first part of the deal he became a door and let me through.

I never did figure out the details. By that time I hardly cared. Succeeding in getting past him had become the bigger issue. I found childhood things, issues drenched in that vaguely sticky brown-grey-dust that in my archetype work always symbolizes things hidden from myself. That night, in May of 1995 after having finally gotten past the block, I fell through my body before I was anywhere near sleep, and ended up talking to the entities in some astral zone too weird to believe. What I did believe, with utter disgust I might add, is that they had re-blocked a portion of what it had taken me years to become aware of finally and days to deal with. I gave up. It was just not worth that much trouble frankly.

They gave up too, in a different way. The block, whom I had renamed Door, had failed them. He had converted. Been subverted. He might carry the core of founder intent, but he had become my soldier, not theirs. They didn’t use him again. I let it go, and ensconsed Door in my sacred space, as the front door to a small mansion over in a nearby territory, which I often visited solely for the humor of seeing so many bizarre astral things, like my own psychic Star Wars Bar Scene. He was door and security guard and bouncer rolled up in one.

But I devolved. It was that year that started it, and within another calendar year my psychic ‘awareness’ was 99% gone. I spent a decade in grim trauma, drama-queen, psychic-brick, stuck in hell state of mind. My sacred space, which I could not really feel, sense or see, was ignored, abandoned, and faded. Door with it.

Ten years later, I began slowly waking up. I am still in that process, only a small % clear so far. But I woke up enough to be able to roll out my space and feel it, sense it, sense my outer guides, talk to my inner guide and archetypes.

And finally, I went to visit Door. He knew I was coming, and he was lovely. For the occasion my creative subconscious and he wrought his image into a really magnificent sort of ornate golden royal door. But the mansion was empty, having long ago lost the “free energy” my intent supplied it that had drawn the many aspects of me to party there. He was alone. He had grown since I had first met him; during the time I was psychically active and he my door, he had evolved closer toward autonomy. He was still quite some way from being fully so, but he had a good deal more ‘independent awareness’ than he’d had initially. But still, he was alone. He did not accuse me, but I sensed my own betrayal of honor, of a sort. I had made him a promise and then abandoned him. He had done what I asked, become what I asked, functioned within me as I requested, and then I had just walked away for ten years.

So we had another conversation about his role within me. “Door,” I said, “Maybe you could expand your role again. Your experience as a door and a block, and in judgement regarding what had intent toward me, is surely a great base for you helping me to see through walls in myself, to find doorways of opportunity and insight, to recognize what is being hidden from me vs. what I am hiding from myself vs. what is simply not there. I’m sure that metaphysically, there are many correlates to what you already are, that you could grow into.” He loved the idea. He wanted to be more involved with me, although that is a given–I am an energy source, of course, and his own evolution as a thoughtform into an identity depends on what I put into him. Guilt motivated me, and curiosity. It had seemed an inspired idea and I wondered if he had given it to me.

To show me how well he could do in this role, he took an active role with me the rest of the evening. Every thought I had, he showed me the walls. The limitations. The assumptions. The doorways out. And those in. He showed me how it related to other things in life. He was similar to the Narrator aspect, but not autocratic, and instead of talking at me he simply “let me see.” He was similar to the sounds-like-Seth aspect too, but not so logical and again, not a speaker; it was more like he would just clear up the picture for me in some sense, and the seeing and following that insight and new thought path was up to me. It was a job application of sorts, and he outdid himself. I was literally astounded, over and over again. His insight was exceptional, inspired.

I agreed to the new role. I renamed him Dor, a “real identity name” not just a function name, in recognition of his evolution and potential.

He asked for only one thing: an organic physical, perhaps wood would do, shaped like a tiny door, painted red like chinese red, and placed in a tiny bag that could go on a string around my neck so that it would lay close to my heart chakra. I almost laughed. I recognized this as something shamanic cultures are known to do. I understood that he wanted, felt he deserved and even ‘needed’ as part of what I was asking of him, some kind of anchor in my physical reality. It needed to be something real, of the earth; plastic wouldn’t do. He preferred a dark red, because it is so strongly anchored in the physical. And he wanted it to touch me or be near me. So, I told him that I would do this for him, and that once I had done it, we would be set.

But I didn’t. I got passive/aggressive about it. A lurking fear that his origin from “them” and me giving him so much more energy worried me. The famous Buddhist story of the Tulpa kept coming to mind for me. At some point of evolution his longing for growth will make him long for autonomy, yet as he is a part of me, moreso the more dense in energy he gets, that will be a battle between us when the day comes. He began a thoughtform but will gradually become the equivalent of an inorganic on psychic steroids, and then eventually, an identity in his own right, though I’ve no clue to the details of what that will mean for him… or me.

After about a month, Dor showed up in a meditation and asked me if he was to remain alone; a door to the mansion so underutilized it was nearly transparent. We had come to an agreement, then I had renegged on it. Just like I had made one with him previously and then abandoned him for 10 years. Fortunately, time doesn’t really mean anything to him, but the guilt bothered me anyway. I assured him I really was fully willing to commit to this, and to demonstrate this, I sat down and wrote it out in a couple of pages longhand. Now, my intent was anchored in the physical and fully expressed. The agreement is a done deal.

And still I put off getting him his ‘anchor’. I thought of it often. But over a year passed and I did nothing to make that happen except think about it in a positive way.

Recently I have had some substantial personal changes and decided it was time. Time to SEE. Time to get clear. Time to start taking care of my obligations and even the most minor issues of integrity. And definitely, time to resolve my unfairness toward Dor, and allow him to become within me what I find so fascinating.

But let’s face it. I am not wearing a stupid bag around my neck. People would probably think it was for drugs, haha. And I understood his concept of door but I decided that I would find some natural-things-of-earth that were nice, that he could anchor in, and that I could keep near my heart chakra, and as long as we were both clear on his scope and what they represented, something like say, a stone might be better than dead wood anyway. A pendant necklace would be the perfect solution. Something long enough to lay under my clothing for the most part, so I could always wear it. Something sturdy enough I could sleep and shower in it, so it was a constant companion.

I commissioned a jewelry artist Kristen Vasques (who does very nice work) to create a pendant necklace for me and chose some differing shades of red stones she had on hand. A nice red jasper (that looks like cinnabar marble, has the slight brown edge) in the shape of a crystal. A good sized round red carnelian, a true red. A couple small beads of copal (ancient) amber, with the slight yellow/orange edge. All in all, a spectrum of dark reds and three very different materials. Some copper beads, a good silver chain, and I had a pendant for a talisman or a necklace. I like it. I hoped Dor would like it. I put it on when it arrived and that night I did a short meditation where I told Dor about it.

We will see.

I was thinking to myself about how I’ve been going through this phase where my eyes and brain both keep ‘unfocusing and diffusing’, constantly. Driving me nuts. It occurred to me that my “I’s” keep unfocusing and diffusing… maybe that is really what it means.

I was signing a check for my kid’s karate dojo today and I realized that for a long time now I have the oddest habit: I keep forgetting the “I” in my last name (Gaenir). Literally, I handwrite it, and then I have to go back in and forcibly insert the I into the name, where it doesn’t have enough room really. I thought that LD would probably say that this summed up my life pretty well: “not making room for the I.”

I did a session that was two, short, ’sitting in walmart parking lot’ illegible piecess, which are often the only kind I get in. I love describing sessions in retrospect, soon enough that hopefully memory hasn’t torqued it to inventing, but late enough that feedback allows the tons of “contextual, below-verbal” levels of info to add into the description for much more sense.

1} There were these little glowy balls that were floating around all over the place in the air, and then suddenly there was this mass interruption and everything went to “static-and-black”. It looked as if I’d been watching, with my face just inside the screen so it was all I saw, a 3D TV documentary on these things, and then someone yanked the cable and a second later the plug. Very much a “sudden radical interruption”. It was pretty novel.

2} There was something physical that had two kinda flat shapes, horizontally placed, parallel with one above the other, and they were connected to each other only at one end, by this space that was between them and slightly inward from the end. (I sketched this. Twice. Badly.)

3} There was this shape, I couldn’t tell what it was, but there was a part of it that was very specifically “peeled away” on the corner, rather like in illustrations where they show you a part of something ‘peeled away’ to show you what is underneath. I didn’t feel the point was what was under, but rather the “peeling off of an outer layer.”

4} I saw something facing me that had a bunch of small shapes in a horizontal row, but there was this “swollen thickness” around them that later I wished I’d written down as a sort of “glow” but at the time, I just sketched, badly like everything else, my sketching really needs work darn it.

5} I had a combination of senses hard to articulate that I had to render as AOLs through no choice. A sense like a catapult, throwing one thing high and far; a sense like some kind of forced-air-machine, like whatever was being thrown wasn’t really solid.

6} I also had several feelings that suggested the physical thing connected near one end was kinda like a teeter totter, or the finger-side of a clamp at the connected end; a strong feeling like, “You push this side down, and the other side goes up.”

I was thrown off because right off at the beginning of the session I got this overwhelming sense of a whole bunch of tall parallel shapes. This nearly always means trees. I also had data with no FB and/or wrong, that seemed to me kinda like a rough edged truncated tree trunk, but I wasn’t sure if that was a ’symbol’ (of ‘rough surface’ and ‘truncated’) or if it was literal. And I had other data that is either no FB or just totally off, and I fell asleep once and nearly did a few times, despite the supershort scribbling 2-part session. I may be hopeless if I can’t make more decent time for the art, sheesh!

One interesting thing is in the my last several sessions I’ve had this experience near the end where it’s like, I get *so much data* that it’s impossible to fathom or articulate. It’s like I’m just aware of this giant glob of tons of stuff all at once, and sometimes I am sort of aware of some tiny aspect or six, but it’s all moving so fast, there is just no way. I had it on the prayer ribbons target recently, and on the mcqueen session recently, and again on this one.

Anyway the task was from LD who does most of my tasking that isn’t from group efforts or my envelope pool, and it was this novel technology, a Reich orgone cloud buster as it’s called, and his intent was describe how it worked. I’ve no idea if I fulfilled that but it was a fun session anyway. Of course, the disaster of my raw sessions vs. the decent form I can put them in if I have time prior to FB is always a little distressing but oh well. The messy truth is here.

Last night I sat looking at Dor’s talisman. It’s been hanging on the little shelf by my bed for a couple days. I felt if he wasn’t going to be more proactive with me, and I just don’t feel him (maybe this is my ignorance, but still!) that I see no reason to feed him my energy. It is a symbiote relationship but if I don’t get my part that’d make him a parasite and not to be over personal but at this moment in my life I think I have enough of those and I’m just not in the mood damn it. So I took off his talisman and hung it up and I have looked at it grumpily but refused to wear it, though I never took it off since I got it. Today I gave in and put it back on, feeling like maybe I was blaming him for my own BS.

Soooo…. as usual, my only time to do anything of interest today was about 15 minutes in the car, while Lu shopped. At this rate someday I’ll be on Geraldo talking about “How I found omniscience in the Walmart parking lot.” (Just kidding.)

It was TIME to do a meditation. I tuned into my sacred space and then wondered where I was. I often appear in different places and usually I figure that is a form of self communication too. I was way the heck away from the castle, I was over in the space where I began all this years ago, the plateau.

In fact, ironically I never noticed this until not long ago, but my “sacred space” that I made for myself a dozen years ago looks slightly like part of the background pic of this blog. It’s a super high “plateau,” one of those funky desert looking things, and when I look down the back, way down there is a meandering river. Down the front there is a cage elevator that gets me down to the ground, then there is a small cornfield, and I go through that and then a little clearing and a cave.

I go into the cave and in a ways, there is a tiny creek that goes under the ground just before the entrance. I walk beside the creek until I reach a tiny stone bridge that is one of those little shallow arch footbridges that leads across. Just on the other side, a few steps from the bridge, is a big stone archway that is a doorway out of the cave.

When I exit it, I’m in a different ‘inner’ reality. I turn right and walk alongside a tiny field, then left and go across it. In the center I reach a big tree, with some little white benches around it, where my inner guide waits. I trace it back exactly to return.

At one point I built a tiny ‘pavilion’ for the ‘four elementals of soul’ (3 and me, or “the 4″) that was way off to the right of where my armchair sits on the plateau. It was lovely, mostly open, with columns, and on its own little plateau surrounded by sky. Then one day I came in and it had grown massively into this whole castle that was over on the longer, main plateau, way off to the right. This was early this year when these meditations were so autonomous and profound… there’s just no putting it in words.

There was a huge walled garden extending about 1/8 of a mile off to the left. Inside the garden there is a really long thin pool-like shape (shallow like a fountain) that goes all the way through it, and inside this at the bottom is a colorfully tiled DNA helix. Don’t ask me why. The ‘4′ of DNA is about the only correlation I can make there.

Anyway, on the other side of the garden stairs up to the castle proper. In the middle of the castle on the top level is a roof and that is usually where I appear of late, on the other side of it. The sunsets are quite lovely there and far, far off in the distance, I can see what I am suspicious are dragons flying near the high mountains. There is a big river that goes by the other side of the castle.

In the middle of the castle is a winding square staircase that leads up to a big circular room with a giant symbol (dunno what yet) on the floor, and they call this room the ‘tower’. Even though it isn’t taller than the rest of the castle and isn’t a typical tower. Which is where the Senior (the top of ‘the 4′) has me come to work with ‘the consortium’… the next ring of identities involved in my larger soul. Or… something.

That was way more boring stuff than anybody wanted to know. Moving on.

I decided prior to going to the tower, where I am way overdue I know, I need to do an archmed on this weird “de-focussed” effect I’ve had lately. I have really had a hard time lately, haven’t meditated in quite some time, and the last time I tried literally everything was semi-opaque, distant and unreal. This seemed ok, not as good as usual but ok. It improved as I went on. So I got to IG, and realized it’d been awhile, and I hugged him –

–and then realized, or understood, that I have actually been avoiding meditation because of my response to him. I had no idea consciously. The last few times I’ve seen him I have noticed more and more that he is not human, and despite that on that inner world, entities can be anything, all my guides have been human until him. Each time I have seen him he seems to get a little bit more… um… amphibian. The last time I saw him I really noticed the small open gills on him, the spots on him, and his eyes seemed more black, and his skin more… rubbery sorta. A part of me pulls back in semi-repulsion from this, even though the more dominant, conscious me, insists on finding it novel and ignoring that.

“So I was avoiding you,” I say, “realizing” that HE has given me this realization when I hugged him. He nods. “I’m so sorry,” I say. “Please. I remember when I first met you I couldn’t even see you. I know it’s like a denial. Please don’t go less visible on me last time. I can’t stand it. I truly want you to be YOU, whatever you are. I want to know you, in your most natural form.”

“Are you sure?” he says. Suddenly a bit unnerved, I stammer, “Yeah, sure!”

He turns into this huge creature that is probably 20 feet high, looks sort of like a frog/toad but also like something else I can’t even name, and he sits there and looks down at me.

“Um.” I say, struggling to be polite and to keep my word. “So. Um. This is the real you! Wow. That’s. Um. That’s really… really interesting!”

He sat there and looked at me. I stood there and looked at him. Silence.

“SOooooo,” I say, knowing that he KNOWS whatever is inside me, so pretending anything is just SO beyond stupid, “Are you more comfortable in that form than you are in the humanoid form you usually wear with me?” I could only hope not.

“It doesn’t matter to me,” he says.

I nearly breathed a sigh of relief. Good. I would not be morally obligated to interact with that form then. “Well then… nothing personal but I would really prefer you in a humanoid form,” I said apologetically. It’s not you!” I assured him hastily, “It’s me, you know, I’m simple, easily scared, and I just relate more to species closer to mine.” Heh. Nice save. Almost.

Back in his humanoid form, looking rather like an overpale Trill from Star Trek (ok, with small gills as well as spots, lol) he waits for me.

I feel so guilty. I mean, he is part of me. I know he is part of me. I love him, he has done so much for me, he is so wise and brilliant and — and WTF kind of spiritual path makes your wise inner self a giant alien-amphibian frog-like creature? How come other people get little pink Jesuses and typical Buddha or Native sorts, and I get totally freaky things?!

I felt sort of… I dunno. Not really ashamed of myself, not a bad-guilt feeling, more like a sorry-I’m-not-more-evolved feeling. Like, “Yeah, be who you are!–er, as long as you’re like me.”

I tell IG I want to work with an archetype that somehow relates to this weird defocussing of late, and I add for good measure “and that will do me the most good from the med in the limited time I have for it.” I close my eyes, turn around, and open them to the arch. For an instant I nearly see something, and then –

– I see this panel, like a solid object about 2.5 feet wide, 4 feet tall, and about 2 inches thick, vertical flat-facing me, with a horizontal bar running right through the middle of it, and it is spinning slowly on the bar.

I just stand there looking at it like an idiot for a bit. It is always offputting to me when my archetype is an object instead of something I can talk to and I always end up talking to the archetype as if there is an invisible person standing next to it that is actually the ‘real’ archetype and whatever I see is just some projection.

I watch it spin. I’m asking myself, what does this mean? Should it be spinning, or not? What should I be doing here to interact? I ask it, “what do I do?” and it moves toward me and so I let it merge into me, and I become that funky flat shape slowly, irregularly spinning.

I feel myself defocus. Yes, this is it… feels rather like that. Slightly dizzy. Losing track of what is around. I force myself, now the object, to stop and be vertical, and I think at a space next to us where I imagine something easier for me to imagine having a consciousness is standing.

“So… it’s that I’m… um… spinning?” I ask. The shape of us changes, and the bar changes, and then there is a small ball in the middle, like a large ball-bearing, that somehow has its own elevated, stable nature, and now I am spinning in every direction, like one of those triple-ring things they use in the space program and they have at fairs. “Whoa…” I say, and I ’sense’ that I’m starting to feel some info now.

One thing is that I feel it’s relevent that in order for this spinning to happen I have had to completely lose track of my ‘center’ feeling. “So I need to… focus on my center,” I say, thinking this sure was a lot of trouble to go through only to be told something that even I, dim as I am some days, could have told myself.

I felt something change, and suddenly I was moving all over, and various walls and things around me I was in danger of running into, and some were moving toward me, literal chaos ensued until I forced myself not only to hold the center but to hold an ‘awareness’ of where everything else was and “keep it equidistant from me” so that I could remain in the center.

“Ah,” I say slowly, starting to get it. “So it isn’t just about centering myself. It’s also about maintaining an awareness of what is around me, because that is a big part of truly centering myself. When I tune out of what is around me–just like defocusing my eyes–I also lose the needed awareness for maintaining my own center–the I.” That seemed sorta right. I don’t think I totally got this accurately but it was the best I could do.

And then I’m sorry to say that I forget the rest. I do think I ended it but I can’t remember. Lu scared me when he opened the door, I yelped loudly, and the last of it fell out of my head.

Later tonight I went down to see IG and I hugged him, and I asked him to take his real form and I flew up to gently lay on top of his giant head to rest on him. He was kinda slimy. Apparently psychic amphibians are slightly icky too. He warned me but as I landed I said, so what… I’ll take a psychic shower. And I laid on him and told him I loved him and I was sorry for being so reactive earlier.

I hope this weekend to get some more ’serious’ meditation done esp. in the Tower.